I'm going to have to. I just can't keep putting myself out there anymore. For everything that I went through in 2009, all the less than stellar men that I met (not even dated, these are just people that I talked to), I wasn't going to look for that special someone anymore.
I was going to focus on myself- take my GRE, start looking at grad schools, get my passport, travel, basically reconnect with who I am as a person. I basically ignored that person all last year, running all over the country, spending time with people who weren't good for me, getting my heart smashed into a million little pieces, and losing friends.
This year was going to be different. I'm taking care of myself- mentally, emotionally, physically. And then the Greek god came into my life. I really have nothing else to call him, except that he's Greek and he's wonderful. At least I thought so.
After talking to him on the phone only once, we made plans to go out. Most of the time I drag my feet on meeting in person (as experience has taught me that it wasn't worth it), but this time I knew something was different. From our conversations over the phone, I suspected he was something special. Perhaps good for me, and I good for him. No, I wasn't going to start hearing wedding bells (I swear), but there are some things I've learned over the past year when it comes to the right person which I have to listen to. There are many, many things about him which I think are pretty fabulous.
But I could be wrong. I usually am, as the past has taught me.
We had a great first date. Fantastic. No first date sex, although a little groping happened. Hell, I'm in my 30's. I have needs. Nothing too crazy.
Second date, hanging out playing video games. Some of the most fun I've had in ages. Again, no sex, marginal groping.
Third date...I didn't know if sex was going to happen. I didn't want it to, because I really liked this guy and wanted to wait. And then he tells me that he's scared of sex. What the fizzle? Date 1 and Date 2, I'm concerned that I'm going to have to tell him no because he was into me. And then he tells me that because of the gift, sex scares him. Is that possible? Is that his way of telling me that he's just not that into me?
I really don't know, but I think I'm going to have to walk away from this one, no matter how much fun we have. I can't, won't, absolutely refuse to get hurt again.
Oh wait, I'm already hurting.
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